The intertubes home of author Robert Lanham

Robert Lanham is the Margaret Mead of the North American Weirdo - Neal Pollack

    == BOOKS ==

• the hipster handbook

• food court druids,
cherohonkees and other
creatures unique to the republic


• the sinner's guide to the
evangelical right



    == ANTHOLOGIES ==

• cassette from my ex

• rock & roll cagematch

• bookmark now

• the subway chronicles


    == RECENT ARTICLES ==

• Internet-Age Writing Syllabus and Course Overview
McSweeney's

• The random beauty of "25 Random Things"
Salon

• Palin Holds Press Conference to Explain Last Press Conference
HuffPost

• Chocolate & Cheese and Striped Bass
Vice

• The Ten Most Dubious Films included in the Criterion Collection
Vice

• Obama's Silence on "Bruno" Outrages Activists
HuffPost

• Pat Buchanan: 'Lesbian Coalition of America Discriminates Against White Males'
HuffPost

• Giving the Recession the Finger
Salon

• Look at This Fucking Hipster Basher
The Morning News

• Obama Dislocates Shoulder Reaching Across the Aisle
HuffPost

• Maxim's Guide to Surviving the Apocalypse
Maxim

• 33 Stupid Sex Tips
Street Carnage

• Rick Warren's Non-Negotiable Worldview
HuffPost

• The Gotcha Effect of Civil Unions
HuffPost

• Macho Ma'am
Radar

• Generation Slap
Radar

• America's religious right: God's own country
The Independent

• Wearing Nothing but Attitude
New York Times

• Why Sonic Youth and Frappuccinos don't mix
men.style.com

• Kafka on the Shore Review
Nylon


    == PRESS ==

• Press Quotes

• Your Life: Highly Classified, By Robert Lanham
  Washington Post profile of Robert Lanham

• Book Breaks Down Evangelical Right for 'Sinners'
Ethics Daily Profile

• Brand Name Bloggers
New York Magazine


    == WEBSITES ==

• freewilliamsburg.com
• evangelicalright.com
• hipsterhandbook.com
• foodcourtdruids.com


    == FRIENDS ==

• lanesisland
• cakehead
• rumproast
• andiamnotlying



    == THE MAN ==

• about robert lanham
• wikipedia page
• myspace
• facebook
• tumblr
• twitter
• hypemachine
• contact me


    == CURRENTLY READING ==




follow robertlanham at http://twitter.com

May 07, 2010

Christopher Owens and the Children of God

Screen-shot-2010-05-07-at-3.09.05-PM-350x263.png
I've got a new piece over at The Awl about Girls lead singer Christopher Owens and the Children of God cult. It's pretty disturbing, but hopefully worth a read for fans of the band and/or people obsessed with bizarre cults.

Given the passion expressed for girl music on this site, I suppose it’s not too much an affront to my masculinity to confess my obsession with the admittedly unmanly band Girls. Their debut record "Album" is forty minutes of melancholy bliss, late night break-up songs that will make you feel like a teenager suffering from a his first encounter with heartbreak. My introduction to the band’s back-story came through Pitchfork (shut up!) whose review featured a little biographical information on the band’s leader, Christopher Owens: “Christopher Owens grew up in the Children of God. His older brother died as a baby because the cult didn't believe in medical attention. His dad left. He and his mother lived around the world, and the cult sometimes forced his mother to prostitute herself.”
Read it all at The Awl. (It's kinda NSFW.)

April 16, 2010

Pedal Pumping

I've got a new piece on a bizarro fetish over at The Awl:

In case you’re not familiar, pedal pumping is a car/foot fetish for men who enjoy watching women pump the gas, generally in vintage cars, until they strand themselves by flooding the engine or draining the battery. Um, what? Countless variations on this scenario exist -- girls getting cars stuck in mud, Asians revving mopeds in the desert, stranded pedal pumpers with “stinky work shoes.” According to The Daily Beast, Michelle McGee even confesses to making a few pedal pump videos. So evidently there’s a market for painted hags who look like Skeletor pumping the gas with swastikas on their toes too. Most of the videos make up for their poor production values with sophisticated dialogue like “start, godammit,” “no, I don’t wanna be stuck here,” and “fuck this Mustang.”

A search for the fetish yields over 200,000 Google returns and thousands of YouTube videos. There are hundreds of websites that cater to the fetish including pedaltube.com, asianpedalpumpers.com, pedalteens.com and carstuckgirls.com. [All sort of/not really/but kind of Not Safe For Work?]

Videos and the rest of the article here.

April 07, 2010

The Most Disturbing Christian Rock Band Ever

winterBand.jpg

The Awl just posted a new piece by yours truly about WinterBand--aka the most important band of our time:

Just when I’d “discovered the magic” of Celtic Thunder and become certain that nothing could more effortlessly succeed at making my ears bleed, a friend sent me a link to North Carolina’s WinterBand--the most disturbing Christian rock band since, well, since ever. If you’re a geriatric, hobo-wizard, Jesus freak with a dirty mop-head hanging from your chin, it’s probably not the best idea to be too critical of others. But that doesn’t stop WinterBand’s namesake, Steve Winter, from attacking Catholics, Muslims, democrats, women and countless others for the intolerable sin of being outside his confusing comfort zone.
Check out this important band's music over at The Awl.

March 20, 2010

Garrison Keillor Discusses My Work on The Writer's Almanac

This pretty much made my year. You can visit The Writer's Almanac website and listen to the podcast here, or I've archived the MP3 here for posterity. Just wow.

garrisonkeillor.jpg

"Place-dropping" The Scary Nudists I Encountered In Tulum

Misty Harris included a quote from me in her latest trend piece on "place-dropping:

"The inevitable I-wanna-be-on-vacation factor makes the pretension harder to dismiss," says Robert Lanham, bestselling author of three books on cultural foibles.

Lanham suggests the key to a successful place-drop is knowledge of which travel war-stories will help and which will hinder -- something he carefully considered after stumbling upon a clothing-optional beach during a recent trip to Mexico.

"It's not going to win me any favours to place-drop that 'John Denver songs sure sound better when performed on a pan flute by leathery nudists in Tulum,' " says Lanham. "And yes, this happened.

Aforementioned, scary nudists after the jump. Too bad I don't have video of them playing "Annie's Song."

Continue reading ""Place-dropping" The Scary Nudists I Encountered In Tulum" »

January 31, 2010

I'm Yale Worthy!

I got a really nice mention in the Yale Daily News.

In closing his talk, Monks read a popular piece from McSweeney’s entitled “Internet Age Writing and Course Overview” by Robert Lanham. The piece is written as an English class syllabus but satirizes the new state of writing on the Internet, from blogs to Twitter and Facebook. The “course” covered everything from “Week 1: reading is stoopid” to “Week 5: I can haz writing skillz?” and demanded “ENG: 231WR — Facebook Wall Alliteration and Assonance” and “ENG: 232WR — Advanced Tweeting: The Elements of Droll” as prerequisites, among others. Monks said the piece exemplified what McSweeney’s tried to publish: “pop-culture oriented conceptual humor.”
Thanks Christopher! Here's the piece.

January 13, 2010

Chocolate & Cheese and Striped Bass

dean-ween.jpg

I recently went fishing with Dean Ween which was, well, awesome. From Vice:

Since getting his captain’s license last summer, Mickey Melchiondo, better known as Dean Ween, has been leading fishing tours off Long Beach Island, New Jersey. He’s the kind of skipper who also kindly gives shelter to anglers when there’s room in his trailer the night before and books it all himself through the magic of a lo-fi internet information page, mickeysfishing.com.

Mickey also has his own online fishing series called the Brownie Troop Fishing Show that’s kind of like that old Fishing With John series hosted by actor and musician John Lurie, but without the irony. The Deaner is dead fucking serious about fishing.

“Lurie’s show was more about the guests,” Mickey told me. “Mine is about the fishing.”

So far Mickey’s posted 11 episodes on brownietroopfs.com, a site that also looks like a 16-year-old designed it in 1996. Go there to watch guests like Butthole Surfers’ own Gibby Haynes get blind drunk and say stuff like “I dunno where the fuckin’ stern is.”

Like the rest of the world, I’ve been a fan of Ween since the early 90s, so of course I had to sign up for a Mickey-helmed fishing trip. As a committed landlubber with wobbly sea legs, I was plenty OK when Mickey called and said he’d prefer to surfcast. He had just returned from tour and finds it more relaxing. But at $300 a whirl, you might want to consider making him hoist the anchor instead.

More over at Vice. And you can check out that Gibby Haynes video over at www.brownietroopfs.com.

December 22, 2009

My Baker's Dozen For 2009

This is what I was listening to this year. The obvious oversight is Dirty Projectors. I appreciated their record—and they are flawless live—but I just didn't listen to them enough to add Bitte Orca to my list. In addition to the records below, I'm totally addicted to Adron's self-released first record which came out in 2008. Do yourself a favor and go buy it now.

Overall, 2009 was really a great year for music and I was happy to be in Brooklyn which has become the epicenter for the indie music scene.

13. Passion Pit
Manners
[Columbia/Frenchkiss]
drift.jpg 12. Nosaj Thing
Drift
[Alpha Pup]
vibert.jpg 11. Luke Vibert
We Hear You
(Planet Mu)
10. Yeah Yeah Yeahs
It's Blitz!
[Interscope]
nasa.jpg 9. N.A.S.A.
The Spirit of Apollo
[Anti]
8. M. Ward
Hold Time
[Merge Records]
7. The xx
The xx
[Young Turks]
6. Allen Toussaint
The Bright Mississippi
[NoneSuch]
5. Fiery Furnaces
I'm Going Away
[Thrill Jockey]
lovelanguage.jpg 4. The Love Language
The Love Language
[Bladen County; 2009]
3. Grizzly Bear
Veckatimest
[Warp]
2. Animal Collective
Merriweather Post Pavilion
[Domino]
1. Girls
Album
[True Panther/Matador]


Update: I just posted FREEwilliamsburg's list too. Check it out here.

December 15, 2009

Golden Globe Nominations Announced, Lieberman to Filibuster

Please, make Lieberman go away. I've got a new one up on Huffington Post satirizing the whole debacle.

Just hours after the nominations for the 67th annual Golden Globe Awards were announced, Senator Joe Lieberman of Connecticut threatened to filibuster the ceremony should key concessions fail to be met.

"Unless Vince Vaughn gets a nod for his excellent work in Couples Retreat," said Lieberman, "I just cannot support the nominations. Sure, the American people love George Clooney and he was great in Up in the Air," continued Lieberman. "But if Vaughn is overlooked in the Best Actor category, I will have no choice but to filibuster."

Read it all.

December 07, 2009

Obama to Let Congress Decide If White House Card Should Say "Happy Holidays" or "Merry Christmas"

I've got a new piece over at The Huffington Post. Here's a taste:

Determined to avoid mistakes made by previous administrations, Obama announced on Friday that he'd let Congress be responsible for the language used on the White House's annual holiday card.

"War on Christmas reform is one of the most important issues facing our nation today," said Press Secretary Robert Gibbs. "Should the president send out a card that says 'Merry Christmas?' Should it say 'Happy Holidays?' Does using an image of Frosty the Snowman on the cover become more inclusive if Frosty's wearing a colorful Kwanzaa vest and lighting a Menorah? These are all important questions for Congress to consider," said Gibbs. [...]

Though the war on Christmas debate is far-reaching, the public's attention has culminated around the White House card controversy. Fox News commentator Glenn Beck alleged that Obama is "passing the buck" about the card for religious reasons

"Wake up people, he's a Muslim," said Beck on Fox News, adorned in a hand-knit sweater with a large Santa stitched into its front (pictured).

"I don't even know if they have Christmas in Kenya," said Beck. "If Obama had his way, the White House card would read 'Happy Ramadan' and feature a picture of Santa driving a sleigh strapped with explosives."

Read it all here.

December 06, 2009

Another Quote About Wes Anderson In SF Weekly

Evidently, this story was syndicated all over the place:

Then, the air came out of the tires. Released in 2004, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou cost $60 million and took in $24 million. The more modestly budgeted Darjeeling Limited grossed $12 million in 2007, $5 million less than Rushmore. These were commercial failures, sure, but the critics were also starting to pile on. Phrases like "too precious," "cloying" and "detached" popped up more and more in Anderson's reviews.

In one case of hipster cannibalization, The Hipster Handbook author Robert Lanham, writing for the ubercool Viceland Web site, said of The Life Aquatic: "Wes Anderson doesn't make movies anymore. He creates overly precious paintings inhabited by emasculated man-children who knit sweater vests to the accompaniment of Belle & Sebastian while fantasizing that they're macho enough to skin a caribou with a pocketknife. The set pieces to The Life Aquatic are stunning, but watching this film is like visiting the Natural History Museum. It's a beautiful building, but most of its pleasures are filled with lifeless things."

For the record, I think Wes is back. Fantastic Mr. Fox was his best film in years. It's great to see him back on track.

November 10, 2009

New York Says I'm One Of The 'Five Voices That Matter in the Music Blogosphere'

splash091116_lead_365x275.jpg

New York Magazine has a long-overdue cover story on the Brooklyn music scene and the thing is pretty epic. The article discusses the latest wave of a-list indie bands—Animal Collective, Grizzly Bear, Antlers, TV on the Radio—and canonizes the Dirty Projectors as "the most risk-taking" group of the crop:

Bitte Orca, it turns out, is Dirty Projectors' real New York album, an urbane and sophisticated outgrowth of the most fertile new-music environment the city has seen since the CBGB heyday of the seventies. It is no coincidence that it came out within months of beloved albums by two giants of the local scene—Animal Collective's Merriweather Post Pavilion and Grizzly Bear's Veckatimest. These three bands do not sound alike. Animal Collective layers lush, romantic harmonies on top of kooky, heavily sampled orchestrations, a sound that is equal parts madness and impeccable logic. Grizzly Bear has a much more down-to-earth, folky approach, reveling in the pure pleasure of melodies and the ways they can be turned inside out and upside down. But the three bands all embrace many of the same virtues: fearless sincerity, devotion to craft, agnosticism about digital technology (which is to say, they use it but don't fetishize it), profound musical curiosity, ingenuity at using the human voice as an instrument, and an uncanny ability to reproduce their complex material in live performance (in no small part because this is where the money is).

The author was kind enough to include a quote by yours truly:

Meanwhile, a more studious, art-focused scene was coalescing around a Williamsburg band called TV on the Radio, which released its label debut EP Young Liars in 2003. "They had art-punk, gospel, freak folk‚ everything interesting that was going on in Brooklyn," says Robert Lanham, the freewilliamsburg.com blogger, who has lived in the neighborhood since 1996. "TV on the Radio was just a completely different organism."

And later, they deem FREEwilliamsburg one of the "Five Voices That Matter in the Music Blogosphere." Yahoo!

robert-lanham-new-york.jpg

Critics will of course say this article came a tad late, but the real arguments will revolve around their Brooklyn Top 40 list. (I was happy to see it included zero Hold Steady songs—hipster frat rock). Still, it was nice to see New York paying respect to the amazing music scene that has emerged. As I told the reporter, it's the most exciting time to be making (and listening to) music in the city since the late Eighties.