I’ve got a new piece over at The Huffington Post. Here’s a taste:

Determined to avoid mistakes made by previous administrations, Obama announced on Friday that he’d let Congress be responsible for the language used on the White House’s annual holiday card.
“War on Christmas reform is one of the most important issues facing our nation today,” said Press Secretary Robert Gibbs. “Should the president send out a card that says ‘Merry Christmas?’ Should it say ‘Happy Holidays?’ Does using an image of Frosty the Snowman on the cover become more inclusive if Frosty’s wearing a colorful Kwanzaa vest and lighting a Menorah? These are all important questions for Congress to consider,” said Gibbs. […]
Though the war on Christmas debate is far-reaching, the public’s attention has culminated around the White House card controversy. Fox News commentator Glenn Beck alleged that Obama is “passing the buck” about the card for religious reasons
“Wake up people, he’s a Muslim,” said Beck on Fox News, adorned in a hand-knit sweater with a large Santa stitched into its front (pictured).
“I don’t even know if they have Christmas in Kenya,” said Beck. “If Obama had his way, the White House card would read ‘Happy Ramadan’ and feature a picture of Santa driving a sleigh strapped with explosives.”

Read it all here.

I just wrote a snarky little listicle for Vice:

To be released by Criterion is the benchmark of excellence. Their 25-year-old catalog includes indispensable work from masters including Cocteau, Renoir, Maysles, Kubrick, Cronenberg, Godard, Kurosawa, Bergman, Tarkovsky, Hitchcock, Sturges, and, of course, Fellini.
It’s an impressive list of talent, which is why you can imagine my surprise when I arrived at the director responsible for film #40 in their catalog. Michael Bay. That’s right, Michael Bay, the dung beetle of cinematic vapidity, best known for his unparalleled skill at rolling oversized balls of shit into our nation’s cineplexes. If you’re not familiar with his work–is this possible?–Bay is responsible for Bad Boys I & II, Pearl Harbor, and Transformers, not to mention the career of Megan Fox. (She hates him too). Currently, Bay is remaking The Birds, which I’m assuming will be re-imagined to include a bikini-clad Maxim covergirl who blows away blood-sucking zombie pigeons with a grenade launcher.

Check out the list here.

I’ve got a new piece over at Huffington Post in response to the Pope’s latest ungodliness. Here’s a taste:

Perhaps responding to criticism that he’s out of step with the times, Benedict extended his invitation to the rap community using language that is most commonly associated with hip hop lyrics.
“Rappers can be assured that I won’t be hatin’ if they rhyme about ho’s and queers. I won’t be getting up on their dick, no homo,” said Benedict.

Read it all.

I’m in a great new anthology called Cassette from My Ex that’s slotted for release October 27th. Here’s the scoop:

Cassette from My Ex: Stories and Soundtracks of Lost Loves shares sixty hilarious, nostalgic and heartbreaking stories stories all about crushes and mixtapes. CFME compiles stories from some amazing writers and musicians: author Rick Moody, The Magnetic Fields’ Claudia Gonson, This American LIfe’s Starlee Kine, The New Yorker’s Ben Greenman, Blender Magazine’s Joe Levy, Improv Everywhere’s Charlie Todd, Mortified’s David Nadelberg—even a new story from the godfather of the genre, Rob Sheffied. We put a ton of love into the design, too, with 224 full-color pages designed by noted cassetteophile Lissi Erwin, with cover illustrations by the excellent Hope Gangloff.

There will be a release party at Housing Works in NY on the 28th, so come on out if you can. You can pre-order here.

I’ve got a new piece over at The Huffington Post. The jokes write themselves with these crazy rightwingers:

While appearing on the Rachel Maddow Show last night in the recurring segment “It’s Pat,” MSNBC pundit Pat Buchanan accused the Lesbian Coalition of America (LCA) of discriminating against him.
“I’m as qualified as anyone to head this organization, and for them to not consider my nomination to head the executive board is reverse discrimination against white males,” said Buchanan.
Buchanan was nominated by the group’s senior board member, Alexandra Tillman, who suffers from dementia and assumed Buchanan was a lesbian after seeing him several times on Maddow’s show. The nomination was quickly blocked by a majority vote.
Buchanan was outraged by the rejection. “No one is more qualified to head this lesbian group than me. I’d enliven the LCA and help them move in a new direction,” wrote Buchanan in the New Republic.
He talked about the LCA’s decision with Maddow on MSNBC last night.
“I’ve long felt kinship with the lesbian community,” Buchanon told Maddow. “Why do you think I’m always on your show, Rachel? I pride myself in being a bit of a hag.”

Read it all here. And if you missed the video I’m satirizing, I’ve posted it after the jump.

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